genlando
User
Senior Boarder
| Posts: 10 |   |
|
Were I Am Today--Part 2 - 2007/03/26 12:00
Hi, Good Folks at Beth Sarim!
It's been almost 2 years since I posted my story here. As I look at this post, I can see how afraid I was at the prospect of becoming an outcast of the JW organization. I'm pleased to say that this hasn't happened thus far. Here's what's happened since I last wrote here:
One Thursday evening in October 2005, I was about to start the Theocratic Ministry School for the week--as was my custom at the time. While the opening song was still playing, I suddenly realized that I couldn't take it anymore: I was tired of standing in front of the congregation, telling the same old lies. I grabbed the Presiding Overseer, took him to the back of the Hall, and told him that I didn't want to do the School that evening, and that I was going home. I then told my wife that I wasn't going to keep up the masquerade, and left the Hall.
That evening, my wife was livid. She told me that she didn't marry a "worldly person," and that she felt hurt that I would abandon her and the family. I told her that I hadn't abandoned them. Rather, I had actually been lying to myself for a long time, and couldn't keep up the disguise any longer. Quite simply, I didn't believe in the JW doctrine anymore, and that had been the case for many years. I reasoned that I was concerned about my health, because, living a lie for as long as I had was taking its toll on my well-being. She didn't like what I said, but over time, she's more or less accepted that I'm not changing.
About 2 weeks after my last TMS, the PO and the FSO came to my house, and wanted to know what was happening. I knew that my response to them would determine whether I was to be DF'd, DA'd or whatever. I temporized by telling them that I was "burned out", and that I didn't know what I would do next.
One month later, we moved out of the area, and that stopped all inquiries into my spiritual state. The elders in the new area came by the house to talk to me, but I told them that I was still trying to figure things out, and that I would call THEM if I needed them. They got the message, and have left me alone since then.
The JW's in the new town don't know how to deal with me; some greet me all the time; and others treat me like I'm disfellowshipped. For example, an elder that I've known for years chatted with me in a store one day, but his wife refused to step up and greet me. To be totally honest, I don't care. I'm happy where I am, and if people can't deal with that, then that's their problem.
Quite surprisingly, I still get calls and visits from some of the Witnesses from my old town. One of them even told me that he wished that he had the nerve that I had in walking away from the congregation. He’s afraid of being cut off from everybody he knows. Another Witness (this one’s a “sister
Admittedly, my transition from the cloistered JW world hasn’t been perfect. For example, I haven’t connected with many people on the “outside”. However, to be totally honest, I’ve always tended to be a bit of a loner, so that hasn’t been so bad.
I’ve also had to be on the watch for the “new-age” scam artists. The bottom line: If somebody has a message in one hand, and they’ve got their other hand out for a donation, I don’t want to hear from them. After 25 years within the JW organization, I don’t want anything further to do with the numerous varieties of “God, Inc.”
My transition to freedom from the JW Church has been bumpy at times, but overall, a good ride. Initially I was angry at the organization, but I realized that my unhappiness was ultimately my fault. I could’ve left any time.
As I stated almost 2 years ago, I was a Witness for about 27 years, and I served as an elder for about 16 of those years. Rather than focus on the bad things that happened during this period of my life, I’ve now learned to think about some of the good things that happened to my life within the organization.
First of all, I’m certain that I would’ve never have lived this long if I didn’t develop faith in a Creator. In 1978, I was addicted to every controlled-substance known to man; I very rarely went to bed sober; and I lived a very promiscuous lifestyle. In other words, I was on the road to self-destruction.
Realizing that a Creator established natural laws (like those govern gravity, electromagnetism, etc), has helped me to realize that we’ve got to obey other natural laws. Most notably, we all have built into us a sense of what’r right and what’s wrong. It’s hard-coded into our DNA. Therefore, we’ve got to treat others with respect and kindness; otherwise, one of the other natural laws –cause and effect (or as some people prefer, Karma, or “You reap what you sow”)—will insure that we’re brought to justice. I therefore carry myself throughout life with full knowledge that I’m accountable to Somebody higher than myself. This has caused my wife to begrudgingly state that I’m a “better Witness” than I was while I WAS a Witness!
Sorry about rambling on; a lot’s happened in my life in the last 2 years. I’ll check in here periodically. I wish all of you good luck, and success.
Genlando
|
Forum 
